IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
Women
 have been oppressed and subjugated by
societies
 throughout history.It is extremely important to end these practices and strive for gender
eqality
Correct your spelling
equality
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 there has been substantial progress in the position of
women
 in the
last
 50 years ,gender equality still hasn't been achieved in these
societies
.I strongly agree with
this
 statement as I think
women
 still do not have equal representation in professional spaces and many
women
 safety issues still exist in the world. Nowadays
women
 can be seen working in all spheres of life and can follow any career path that they want.But in
reality
Add a comma
,reality
show examples
 we see it very difficult for them as they still are not given equal opportunities and it is hard for them to get high professional positions.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 in many
companies
Add a comma
,companies
show examples
 they are paid
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 salaries in comparison to their male counterparts and
also
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the top ranks are occupied men.I think
this
 is a result of systemic sexism and it is important to rectify
this
 and have equal representation of
women
 on important posts. Crimes against
women
 are still high in
societies
.In many parts of the world
women
 still do not have the
privelage
Correct your spelling
privilege
 of travelling alone or late at night as it is not safe for them.They are
also
 victims of domestic and sexual abuse at a higher rate than men.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 in many social
structures
Add a comma
,structures
show examples
 they are prohibited to go out of their houses without their husbands as their families do not think it is safe.
This
 oppression should be abolished by not only abandoning
such
 ideas but
also
 making the environments safer for them . Thanks to the progressive feminist movements of the past and social changes in ideas ,
women
 nowadays do have better positions in
societies
 but to achieve true egalitarian
societies
 we still need to address and work on many issues.
Submitted by sharvinchougule on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
What to do next:
Look at other essays: