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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#traffic #accommodation #government #businesses #move #cities #areas
It is a common belief that government should encourage business move from urban area to
countryside
 due to
traffic
 and
accomondation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
.
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that these changes have an overall negative effect because the rural area does not have enough facilities that a company needs, these disadvantages
are far outweigh
Change the verb form
far outweigh
show examples
 the benefits. On the one hand, businesses moving from
cities
 to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 can reduce
traffic
 congestion in the urban area because workers will move to the
countryside
 because their work is in the
countryside
. The population of
cities
 will decline, the
traffic
 its
also
 more clear.
For example
, during covid-19, most
Change preposition
of
show examples
the firms in Hanoi, Vietnam imposes a policy that employees are working at home to avoid the disease and as
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the
traffic
 jams in the city decreased. The city
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 clear and the pollution is gone. It is similar to the wave that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 move to rural
areas
, the metropolis
traffic
 congestions will decline and accommodation problems are solved.
Nevertheless
, in
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
countryside
Add a comma
,countryside
show examples
 there are not enough facilities for companies. Rural
areas
 have a poor
traffic
 system without subways or freeways which makes employees harder to reach their workplaces. The countrysides have very
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 infrastructures and public buildings, which
also
 makes workers'
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 standards lower than in
cities
. According to a
reccent
Correct your spelling
recent
 survey, rural
areas
 in Vietnam does not have enough infrastructure for workers to live and make their living.
This
 makes companies' financial results
also
 decline and lower-income for employees To sum up, while
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
there are some advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 moving companies from
cities
 to rural
areas
, it is evident that the disadvantages of the moving wave are harmful, far outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by nguyenanhngocphan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic development
  • Capital infusion
  • Job opportunities
  • Standard of living
  • Urban overcrowding
  • Quality of life
  • Housing pressure
  • Healthcare pressure
  • Disruption
  • Deforestation
  • Pollution
  • Financial burden
  • Smaller companies
  • Infrastructure deficiencies
  • Sophisticated infrastructure
  • High-speed internet
  • Robust transportation networks
  • Modern amenities
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