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Band 5.5

Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Do you agree/disagree with this view?

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Recently, some employers prefer a formal of high-quality academic success compared to life
experience
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 or personal qualities when they choose new
employees
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. Because they think that the
employees
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 who have a
high-grade
Correct your spelling
high grade
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 point average graduation grade can be more successful than others. I partly agree with
this
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 statement, because
while
Linking Words
 some professions need genius individuals, others need experienced individuals. Both of these viewpoints will be outlined in detail before concluding.71
To begin
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 with, with the increasing city population, the number of
employees
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also
Linking Words
 increases in many countries. Recent research suggests that focusing on formal academic qualifications can be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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 employers
as well as
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employees
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. As I said before,
Although
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 school success is important, some jobs need
experience
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.
For instance
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, to be a good pilot, one must have a lot of flight
experience
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. Because pilots who
flew
Wrong verb form
fly
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 a lot come across many different issues and try to solve these in aeroplanes.
Therefore
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 there is no importance of formal academic qualifications for
this
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 job. 88
On the other hand
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, there is a perception among many citizens which is schools
success
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are successful
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thorough
Correct your spelling
throughout
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 the globe. Societies see them as something like prestigious people. One of the reasons for
that is
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 many citizens can not make that. A number of professions require intelligence and knowledge.
For example
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,
architectors
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architects
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 who graduated from Cambridge can be more successful than experienced people who worked for more than ten years. Because
this
Linking Words
 job requires information and talented to produce excellent builds.78
To sum up
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,
while
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 formal academic qualifications are necessary for some jobs, some professions need more
experience
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. 255

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content
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
organization
Your essay contains some logical inconsistencies and lacks clear transitions between ideas. Try to structure your essay more coherently, using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standardized measure
  • specialized knowledge
  • technical skills
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • recruitment process
  • interpersonal skills
  • adaptability
  • practical knowledge
  • communication skills
  • leadership
  • teamwork
  • diversity in thought
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