IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
These days, the amount of violence in
media
 is growing. Many people claim that
media
 services affect human behaviour, while others believe that it has no substantial impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I assume that in most cases assault in
media
 has no negative effect on people’s actions.
Firstly
, I think violent
video
games
 may be related to increased aggression among users. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people have tried some tricks from
video
games
 at least once. Indeed, the virtual world makes it possible to live the life you have ever wondered about.
For instance
, the world-famous idea game GTA allows users to kill, abuse, pillage and do the most terrifying things, which contribute to violence in the real world.
Media
 Matters site mentioned, that as violent
video
games
 have become more popular, violent crime has fallen. Despite the fact that
video
games
 and television can diminish the level of social violence by providing a harmless outlet for aggressiveness, it is able to turn into a true world assault.
For instance
, a person may not be able to complete a mission in the game, he will go off and commence sabotaging people. As far as I am concerned
video
games
 and television may be one of the most perilous categories of entertainment. It is necessary to monitor your own and your close’s consumed data. Taking everything into consideration I would say that television services may cause irreparable damage to your mental health and quietude of surroundings. In my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 everybody must be careful and bear the responsibility for their action.
Submitted by sabirovayasmin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: