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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Canadians in the age groups 25 to 35 and 45 to 55. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Canadians in the age groups 25 to 35 and 45 to 55. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#graphs #show #post-school #qualifications #canadians #age #groups #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts depict the proportion of different qualifications which were held by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canadians
Use synonyms
 aged between 25 to 35 and 45 to 55.
Overall
Linking Words
, it should be clearly seen that most
Canadians
Use synonyms
 aged between 25 to 35 hold a
degree
Use synonyms
 related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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administration, social
science
Use synonyms
, arts and Social
Science
Use synonyms
, Maths,
Computers
Correct word choice
and Computers
show examples
while
Linking Words
 most
Canadians
Use synonyms
 aged between 45 to 55 hold a
degree
Use synonyms
 related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Social
Science
Use synonyms
, Arts and Engineering. It is
also
Linking Words
 worth mentioning that Social
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Arts’
Change noun form
Arts
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 was by far the most popular among
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 groups. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Social
Science
Use synonyms
 and Arts, both
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 groups accounted for
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 percentage, with around 20%.
Likewise
Linking Words
, both
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 groups
also
Linking Words
 had
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 in terms of Education and Humanities, which was roughly average
14
Change preposition
of 14
show examples
 % and 5 % respectively. In sharp contrast,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25 to 35 preferred Administration (19%) and
Science
Use synonyms
, Maths,
Computers
Correct word choice
and Computers
show examples
 (18%) more when compared to the other aged
group
Use synonyms
 which was 15% and 10% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
Canadians
Use synonyms
 aged
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
35 to 45 preferred Engineering (19%) more when compared to the other aged
group
Use synonyms
, at only 9%, which was very similar to the figures for the nursing
degree
Use synonyms
, with 11% in the aged
group
Use synonyms
 between 45 to 55 and 7 % in the aged
group
Use synonyms
 between 25 and 35.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canadians, degree, science, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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