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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In modern times young adults spending more time with their friends and less time with family. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

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Nowadays，
as
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apply
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people are aware of the
important
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importance
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 of
gender
Use synonyms
 equality in school. Some people suggest that the ratio of female and male students should be 1:1 in schools.
However
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, I disagree with it. Universities shouldn’t recruit the same number of boys and
girls
Use synonyms
 because it is not practical.
This
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 is because teenagers have different talents and preferences. It is impossible to reach the excepted
enroll
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enrollment
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 plan.
For example
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, more
girls
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 like to register
nursing
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in nursing
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, linguistics and mathematics. If schools hope to attract more boys to attend the courses, they might lower these subjects’ minimum passing scores. It still cannot make sure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 equality in education.
However
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, I think there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
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another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 better suggestions aimed
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 equal treatment
in
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of
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, schools should treat the source, and they should avoid
gender
Use synonyms
 stereotypes.
For example
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, most teachers and parents think males show better performance in STEM. It
cause
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causes
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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girls
Use synonyms
lack
Fix the infinitive
to lack
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confidence to choose STEM subjects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, education departments should introduce training for school staff. It allows teachers to understand that females and males can have
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 talents in various regions. Whatever
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
, students will be encouraged to learn about areas they like.
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments should make policies for improving females’ welfare in the workplace.
For example
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, many women don’t study some majors because they
worried
Add a missing verb
are worried
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 about their jobs in the
further
Linking Words
. In conclusion, it is not realistic to recruit the same number of
girls
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 and boys in one subject.
Furthermore
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, Colleges should emphasize
to reduce
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reducing
show examples
Use synonyms
gender fixed
Add a hyphen
gender-fixed
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 patterns.
Therefore
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, I believe that universities should not introduce the statement that half of
students
Add an article
the students
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each
Change preposition
in each
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 course are male and female.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital connectivity
  • Peer interaction
  • Independence
  • Generational gap
  • Societal norms
  • Nuclear family
  • Extracurricular
  • Urbanization
  • Mobility
  • Social development
  • Counterproductive
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Personal space
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