In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #rate #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hope #job

Education

allows

people

to get

knowledge

and find

jobs

However

, some individuals opine who think that can cancel high school which can close the high rate of unemployment problems. In my opinion, I completely disagree with

this

perspective that

education

is very important for finding work.

First

of all, high-level students which are

easily

Replace the word

easy

show examples

to find

Add an article

a job

show examples

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

when

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

. It is because every job has its

education

demands. If

people

don’t fit the demand, the company will not apply you.

For example

, being a banker who needs some business

knowledge

However

, there

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

different

knowledge

to learn in secondary

education

, we will easy to find

jobs

. And when we have more

knowledge

, more

jobs

that we can choose.

Moreover

, secondary

education

not only lets us know

these

Change the determiner

this knowledge

show examples

knowledge

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

for us to learn how to practice for exams. So that

people

can apply their practice to their work. Secondarily,

people

can’t

find

jobs

that

Change the verb form

are

show examples

not only because of their learning

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

have different reasons like

economic

Correct article usage

the economic

show examples

environment. When the environment is not good, the company don’t apply new employees. It is because they need to control their price or

can’t

open just like COVID-19. There are many companies

need

Correct pronoun usage

that need

show examples

to close their shops or stop their

jobs

. So

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

education

isn’t

only

Correct article usage

the only

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reason that

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

people

can’t

find

jobs

. To sum up, there are many reasons that make

people

can’t

find their job.

Conversely

, learning not only

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

knowledge

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

let us

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

find different

jobs

Submitted by fkamn12354 on Fri Jul 22 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal access
knowledgeable workforce
economic growth
critical thinking
social equality
self-employment
entrepreneurship
cycle of poverty
vocational training
job market needs
specialized fields
modern economies
innovation
diverse and dynamic economy

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All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

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