In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #rate #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hope #job

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Education

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allows

people

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to get

knowledge

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and find

jobs

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However

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, some individuals opine who think that can cancel high school which can close the high rate of unemployment problems. In my opinion, I completely disagree with

this

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perspective that

education

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is very important for finding work.

First

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of all, high-level students which are

easily

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easy

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to find

Add an article

a job

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job

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jobs

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when

other

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others

show examples

. It is because every job has its

education

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demands. If

people

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don’t fit the demand, the company will not apply you.

For example

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, being a banker who needs some business

knowledge

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However

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, there

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

different

knowledge

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to learn in secondary

education

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, we will easy to find

jobs

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. And when we have more

knowledge

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, more

jobs

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that we can choose.

Moreover

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, secondary

education

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not only lets us know

these

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this knowledge

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knowledge

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Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

Linking Words

for us to learn how to practice for exams. So that

people

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can apply their practice to their work. Secondarily,

people

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can’t

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find

jobs

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that

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Change the verb form

are

show examples

not only because of their learning

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apply

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but

also

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have different reasons like

economic

Correct article usage

the economic

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environment. When the environment is not good, the company don’t apply new employees. It is because they need to control their price or

can’t

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open just like COVID-19. There are many companies

need

Correct pronoun usage

that need

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to close their shops or stop their

jobs

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. So

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

education

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isn’t

only

Correct article usage

the only

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

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reason that

make

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makes

show examples

people

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can’t

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find

jobs

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. To sum up, there are many reasons that make

people

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can’t

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find their job.

Conversely

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, learning not only

bring

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brings

show examples

knowledge

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Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

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let us

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

find different

jobs

Use synonyms

Submitted by fkamn12354 on Fri Jul 22 2022

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal access
knowledgeable workforce
economic growth
critical thinking
social equality
self-employment
entrepreneurship
cycle of poverty
vocational training
job market needs
specialized fields
modern economies
innovation
diverse and dynamic economy

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