IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Employers should give staff at least four weeks holidays a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The main authority of the organisation should provide at least 28 days of vacation to their workers.
In addition
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 to
this
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, it is pondered that it may be beneficial for the industry owner because their labour would be better at their job.
However
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, sometimes
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 load would be increased and it is unable to handle with less
staff
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would decrease the interest of
staff
Use synonyms
.
Although
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, I disagree with the notion and I will share my views in the upcoming fragments. To commence with, in the gadget
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
 the need for machine parts and productivity would dramatically increase
due to
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 excessive use of products in business and daily life routine. To elaborate, if the workers of the company
would be
Verb problem
are
show examples
 on
leaves
Fix the agreement mistake
leave
show examples
then
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 it is impossible to manage with less worker ratio because the pressure will be increased on them.
For example
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, in 2021, as per the report of factory organisations, less than 80% of industries failed because of the high productivity they
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not have
staff
Use synonyms
 for production.
Thus
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, the leave system may be managed properly.
Furthermore
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, the
staff
Use synonyms
 of the company need to show their interest in their working routine. But when they
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 back from their leaves they do not have engrossment in work.
In other words
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, a worker works correctly when he decides to work in the right way so that production will not decrease.
For Instance
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, as per the psychologist, Winey Garg’s data 95% of factories will fail
due to
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 a lack of attentiveness
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their job title.
Hence
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, the heed of labour would up and down the progress of the employer’s industry.
To conclude
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this
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, the leave system should not be disregarded. Yet, it should be managed systematically.

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks clarity and depth in the arguments. Focus on providing a more comprehensive and clear response to the task question, with well-developed arguments and analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is evident but the essay lacks coherence in connecting ideas and developing a cohesive argument. Work on improving the flow of ideas and the logical progression of arguments for better coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • rejuvenate
  • efficiency
  • mental health
  • burnout
  • stress
  • well-being
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • job satisfaction
  • employee retention
  • turnover rates
  • physical health
  • sick leave
  • work-life balance
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