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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

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The two charts illustrate the number of British admissions who can speak many different languages
besides
Linking Words
 English at a university located in England over two different years, 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, undergraduates in
this
Linking Words
 university who can not communicate in any accent except for the native one accounted for the highest percentage
while
Linking Words
 people who speak German always occupied the lowest and stayed static at that time. In 2000, the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who were capable of speaking English only applied 30%, which was the highest score, followed by 20% who were able to speak Spanish. The
third
Linking Words
 target proportion was 15%, which was represented by
students
Use synonyms
 speaking French only and another speaker,
besides
Linking Words
 10% of participants could communicate in French or two other languages. In 2010, the amount of multilingual and other languages slightly increased by 5% which apply about 15% and 20% respectively adjacent English-speaking
students
Use synonyms
 still dominated in
this
Linking Words
 school, at 35%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Spanish
Correct article usage
the Spanish
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spoken decreased
10
Change preposition
by 10
show examples
% of
students
Use synonyms
 and declined by 5% in the proportion of French-speaking, around 10%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
students
Use synonyms
 who speak German only constituted the smallest percentage and remained unchanged at the same number by one-tenth in
this
Linking Words
 final year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • British students
  • university
  • speaking other languages
  • language proficiency
  • overall trends
  • comparison
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • chart
  • data
  • percentage
  • significant
  • increase
  • decrease
  • noteworthy
  • comparative analysis
  • improvement
  • decline
  • conclusion
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