IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

More and more women have joined the work force in recent years. What reasons do women have to be more professionaly driven? What effects does this trend have on their families?

#women #work #force #years #effects #trend #families
Currently ,
women
 get flooded opportunities rather than men and
also
 many of them are working in prestigious industries, which is possible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reason that illustrates , what is behind
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
First
 of all , they are more intelligent than others , they manage
work
 As well as their social
life
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 the contrary male,
life
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 the contrary male cannot able to manage their personal
life
 ,
for example
 , a
servey
Correct your spelling
survey
server
 , which did by scientists that
women
's mind
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 more after rather than other species,
consequently
, they can
be do
Change the verb form
be done
show examples
 any kind of
work
 well.
Moreover
 , owing to the advanced culture , our mindset has totally changed it ,
therefore
 they are doing tasks today ,
for instance
 , most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies prefer
first
women
 as an employee , in light of the fact that we know recent decades about their ability , in effect , it will grow rapidly because of them.
Furthermore
 , they have good skill to do any particular
work
 with precision as they manage their marriage
life
 , children , profession and
houseworkwork
Correct your spelling
housework work
also
 all done without any doubt ,
for instance
 , according to the time of India , 20% of
women
 , who works , they are over the forty , how is the ability to manage
life
. In conclusion , due to the fact , that they have more beneficial rather than others ,
therefore
 the rate of working
women
 is increasing rapidly and it will get up more and more , which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
all happens to their dedication.
Submitted by ssangani6161 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: