IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie charts
turn
Verb problem
given
show examples
 about the sectors where
water
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
used in six different areas throughout the world.
Overall
, it is clear in the charts that most
water
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 in the field of agriculture among the three sectors
while
 the percentages of industrial
use
 and domestic
use
 are average. To start with, in North America, half of the total
water
 used in
industries
, two
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fifth and
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ten
water
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 in
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 and
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 respectively
while
 in South America, Most of the
water
 used for harvest consisted 71% and others consisted 10% (
industries
) and 19% (in
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
).
Then
 in Europe, again
industries
use
 most of the
water
 around 53%
while
 Agricultural
use
 (32%)
water
 double time
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 domestic
use
 (15%). Next in Africa, 84%
water
Change preposition
of water
show examples
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 in
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 9% and 7%
water
Change preposition
of water
show examples
Add a missing verb
are
show examples
used in houses and
industries
 respectively.
Finally
,
Asia
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
separated
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two sections named
central
Capitalize word
Central
show examples
Asia
 and South East
Asia
. Interestingly, both
Asia
 used most
water
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
agricultural purposes
while
 in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two sectors a little
water
used
Add a missing verb
was used
show examples
 only.
Submitted by shovog375 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, use, industries, asia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • irrigation
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • regional disparity
  • economic structure
  • sustainable management
  • water-scarce
  • population density
  • urbanization
  • data trends
  • resource allocation
  • percentage distribution
  • extremes
  • variations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: