Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

It comes
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
no denying that higher productivity and efficiency are core objectives that modern enterprises want to achieve.
However
, there is a controversial issue about whether
make
Wrong verb form
Making
show examples
employees
healthier and
thus
more effective at work by offering subsidised membership
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
gyms and sports clubs to them is beneficial to the
company
. By considering its pros and cons, I
Correct your spelling
prefer
perfer
Correct your spelling
prefer
the former, I believe workers with
better
Add an article
the better
show examples
physical condition would not only enhance the output of their work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
create a
Correct your spelling
positive
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
atmosphere and
Correct your spelling
environment
enivornment
Correct your spelling
environment
in the workplace. Admittedly, offering subsidised training programmes for
employees
may increase the cost of HR departments and give extra financial burden to the
company
.
Since in
Change preposition
In
show examples
a result-oriented world, workers prefer direct financial rewards
such
as bonuses and pay increments
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
perks.
In addition
, if sports clubs and membership schemes are provided to their staff, more time and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
will be spent on work-unrelated activities,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
workforce will certainly drop.
Therefore
, the merits brought by making
employees
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
heathier
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
are neglected by employers.
In contrast
, plenty of research shows that the benefits of improving the physical and mental health of
employees
far outweigh the costs, especially for the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
development of enterprises. Regarding productivity and
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
environment,
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
workforce is essential. As
health-awareness
Correct your spelling
health awareness
show examples
has increased in recent years, people want healthier jobs and a work-life balanced lifestyle which are the things they want to pursue other than decent pay and bright job prospect.
Moreover
, better well-being can establish
higher
Add an article
the higher
show examples
anti-pressure ability for long hours or
high intensity
Add a hyphen
high-intensity
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, sick leave rate can be lowered as workers have
stronger
Add an article
a stronger
show examples
immune
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
Also
, it allows them to complete tasks efficiently and with high quality. Apart from that, exercise always makes people happier, which helps to establish a relaxed and pleasant working environment and build dynamic work teams. Staff will be more motivated if the
company
offers it as a reward after their performance appraisals. All in all, the benefit of offering sports is not as superficial as it seems. As an enterprise with
humanistic
Correct article usage
a humanistic
show examples
spirit, it should pay more attention to the physical and mental health of
employees
, which will definitely make the
company
more popular.
Submitted by pariterwhong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: