IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. does this development have more advantages or disadvantages ?

#people #move #friends #families #work #development
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In recent years, staying far from parents and friends for the
shake
Correct your spelling
sake
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 has become trendy in our society.
Although
Linking Words
, individuals may benefit financially through better
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
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 remote
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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certainly the drawbacks of living away from family outweigh the positive side of the fact. In the subsequent paragraphs,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will be explaining the inconveniences incorporated with living far away
home
Change preposition
from home
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, doing a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 at any distant place barely
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
 a person
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
visit his/her family so often for
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
social cohesion tends to be fragile as people lack physical
connnectivity
Correct your spelling
connectivity
. A number of
such
Linking Words
incident
Change to a plural noun
incidents
show examples
 can be found in our surroundings;
for instance
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 of my
neighbor
Change to a plural noun
neighbors
show examples
 almost has no connection with their son who left home years ago to join his dream
job
Use synonyms
 and never came back since
then
Linking Words
. Though the son sends
handsome
Add an article
the handsome
a handsome
show examples
 amount of money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 his parents
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it does not compensate
his
Change preposition
for his
show examples
 absence
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the parents and gradually the bond between them has been lost. another point worth mentioning is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 living alone in an unfamiliar place can severely impact
one
Use synonyms
's
Correct your spelling
spiritual
spritual
Correct your spelling
spiritual
 peace. To be more specific,
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 together with family members or friends after
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 helps people to release the stresses and pressures from
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 whereas
one
Use synonyms
 has to be alone at home with all the workloads in their head since no
one
Use synonyms
 will be there to talk.
Thus
Linking Words
, many people suffer from anxiety leading to
further
Linking Words
 mental and physical disorders. In conclusion, living far away for the purpose of
profession
Correct article usage
a profession
show examples
 might be beneficiary to financial development but it ruins
one
Use synonyms
's happiness
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 affecting social
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 and personal
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 which is not worthwhile at all.
Submitted by barson.mithun392 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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