IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Graduates who cannot find work in their chosen field should be advised to do a second degree, rather than taking a job that does not interest them. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#graduates #work #field #second #job #interest
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are of the view that it is easier to
start
Add the particle
tostart
show examples
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 a new field of
study
Use synonyms
 rather than continue applying for jobs, that will not bring you happiness. They point out that if you are doing, what you love, you do not have to
work
Use synonyms
, due to your
job
Use synonyms
turns
Wrong verb form
turning
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hobby. My own opinion is very much at odds with
this
Linking Words
 view, and, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will set out to explain why.
First
Linking Words
 of all, studying at the university is an exhausting and long process, which takes
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a student several years to graduate.
For example
Linking Words
, medical students have to
study
Use synonyms
up
Change preposition
for up
show examples
 to 8 years at the university to become just a young specialist, but if he/she
decide
Correct subject-verb agreement
decides
show examples
 to change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
work
Use synonyms
sphere
Use synonyms
, it would take 4 years more.
This
Linking Words
 force
people
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
 almost
a
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole
life
Use synonyms
 and may break up all ambitions to become the best in the
sphere
Use synonyms
, due to the absence of practice and previous
job
Use synonyms
 experience, which are very important to receive a
job
Use synonyms
 offer.
Besides
Linking Words
, studying at the university is an overpriced pleasure and an average student usually can not afford to graduate
two
Change preposition
from two
show examples
 or three higher educations, except those, who are combining
work
Use synonyms
 and
study
Use synonyms
 at the same time. By the way, while studying, it is very important to concentrate on learning the subjects. Students, who are
Add an article
a force
show examples
force
Change the form of the verb
forced
show examples
 to combine
study
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, can meet with problems in advancing material and are likely to receive lower marks and
teacher’s
Change noun form
teacher
show examples
 disrespect.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is an increase
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 incompetent staff in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of spheres. That may happen due to
graduate’s
Correct article usage
the graduate’s
show examples
 hatred of chosen
study
Use synonyms
. School graduates are too young and they do not have enough
life
Use synonyms
 experience to choose exactly, what they want to do in the future. For that reason, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that students have to
study
Use synonyms
 another field if they were unlucky to
had
Change the verb
have
show examples
 a wrong choice. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 agree that it is really ambitious and smart to have the other degree to become happy in the chosen
sphere
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
, I believe that it would make student
life
Use synonyms
 overloaded, boring and poor. Personally, I believe that human
life
Use synonyms
 is quite short and we do not have to spend the best part of it to get a diploma. It is better to find
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
, develop your skills and have some money, rather than get a
second
Linking Words
 degree in the other
sphere
Use synonyms
 and live in misery.
Submitted by nejo.quol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: