Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

There is an
argue
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argument
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that whether there is
damaging
Add an article
the damaging
a damaging
show examples
effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society created by
violence
on television and in computer
games
or not. While some
people
insist that it is true, others and I have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great
doubt
Fix the agreement mistake
doubts
show examples
on
Change preposition
about
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this
argument.
First
and foremost, it cannot be denied that there is a wide variety of television
programs
and
videos
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video
show examples
games
that contain violent
scene
Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
show examples
like shooting or
murdering
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murder
show examples
.
This
raises a great fear for many
people
as they believe
people
who watch those
programs
or play those
games
could get exposed to
violence
, which can lead to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aggressive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in daily life. There were a few cases where someone harm others as they copy the violent film they watched, and
this
trigger
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triggered
show examples
people
supporting
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to support
show examples
the argument even more.
However
, there is hardly any
science
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scientific
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study in the world
Correct pronoun usage
that affirm
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affirm
Correct subject-verb agreement
affirms
show examples
that
people
tend to act more
violent
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violently
show examples
if they watch violent
programs
or play shooting
games
.
People
only have aggressive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
if they live in environments that
full
Add a missing verb
are full
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of
violence
, not just by seeing movies like "Joker" or "The Godfather".
Moreover
, we can use those
programs
to educate children about
violence
like how to avoid it or how to control it,
instead
of just constantly telling them
violence
is bad without showing them the consequences. In conclusion, I would say
violence
in those
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
so significant influence on
people
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Television and computers are not the main factors that shape personal character, and they can even be useful in reducing the level of
violence
.
Submitted by thaiannt on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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