Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

Some important professionals like nurses, doctors, and teachers are considered undervalued
workers
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and paid less than they should have been. Even though, other non-essential
workers
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like film actors, CEOs, and bosses are having huge sums of money for their monthly wages, entirely out of proportion regarding their work's importance. Using an example, I agree that essential
workers
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are treated badly by the nation and we could see it in the Indonesian COVID case of how atrocious they treat the medical staff with low protection and tiny
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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for their hard work.
Besides
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treating the patients, they
also
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have to deal with emotional families, the possibility of infection, and minimum facilities from the government.
On the other hand
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, teachers in Indonesia
also
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suffer from minimum wage and high levels of stress from teaching classes that are more than the supposed quotas.
Although
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the
ministry
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Ministry
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of
education
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Education
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already makes a standard for
this
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, the exact quotas for the class
are coming
Wrong verb form
come
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from the school's committee and headmaster's meeting agenda and it is one of the money sources
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Even though it will ruin the quality of education in the long term
but
Correct word choice
apply
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oftentimes they do not care about that. The criteria to decide wages for
workers
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, in my opinion, are:
first,
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looking at the nation's index per capita and inflation;
second,
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looking at how dire and how much responsibilities the
workers
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have, and
last
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seeing how much mental and physical strength they need to use.
To sum up
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, I agree that some important
workers
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like nurses, doctors, and teachers
are having fewer
Wrong verb form
have lower
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wages than non-essential
workers
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like CEOs and bosses, even though both
workers
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have the same amount of responsibilities even if it on different types of work.
Thus
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, the government should re-evaluate the wage criteria for
workers
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and create a better life for them.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Make a clear point in the introduction and summarize your key message in the conclusion.
task achievement
You raised important points about the value of essential workers and their low pay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic directly and shows your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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