IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people move away from places where they grew up to find a job. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvatages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Migrations among
job
Use synonyms
 seekers to another
city
Use synonyms
 or even country in order to work are common. Moving from the
hometown
Use synonyms
 increase the opportunity to
land
Use synonyms
 a
job
Use synonyms
, but it
also
Linking Words
 comes with several drawbacks for the
job
Use synonyms
 hunters and their
hometown
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should stay in their
city
Use synonyms
 to find or create a
job
Use synonyms
 as it will lead to their
Use synonyms
town
Change noun form
town's
show examples
 betterment.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to leave their
city
Use synonyms
 to find the occupation of their dreams with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 salary. Moving from their
hometown
Use synonyms
 will be beneficial for them as a small
town
Use synonyms
 may not offer the unemployed many
job
Use synonyms
 vacancies related to their qualifications, and even if the jobs are available, the payment is commonly low
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the big cities.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 able to
land
Use synonyms
 their dream
job
Use synonyms
 as an actress and even build their empire once they move to Hollywood since they have more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to work as an actress there compare to other cities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, urbanization
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
land
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dream
job
Use synonyms
 and have a better income which can be used to help their family in their
hometown
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, moving to
other
Change the wording
another city
other cities
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 may not always be gold and glory, because many of them
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to get
a work
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
 and end up
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobless or even homeless in the new
town
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who do not have adequate skills or enough
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 to start a new life in
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
 place may end up with no money if they fail to be employed. The unemployed will be a burden to the destination
city
Use synonyms
 to solve.
This
Linking Words
 is reflected
how
Change preposition
in how
show examples
 complex the problem of jobless
people
Use synonyms
 in Jakarta
since
Add a missing verb
is since
show examples
 there is
rising
Add an article
the rising
a rising
show examples
 number of homeless
people
Use synonyms
 in Jakarta who rode the urbanization wave as they do not
met
Change the verb form
meet
show examples
 the qualifications of their desired jobs and do not have sufficient savings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if more
people
Use synonyms
 in the productive age are moving, the
town
Use synonyms
 will likely be
undevelop
Correct your spelling
undeveloped
 as only the elders are left. The young generations are the core of the development, as they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
will
Correct pronoun usage
who will
show examples
 continue the
city
Use synonyms
's legacy. Different
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the youngsters, the elder community may not be bothered to make any development as they will be left the world anytime soon.
For instance
Linking Words
, many cities in Japan are left dead to zero population once the elders are gone since all the young
people
Use synonyms
 move to Tokyo.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is better for the young to stay in their
town
Use synonyms
 and develop it.
Job
Use synonyms
 opportunities can be made so they do not have to move. In conclusion, moving is not the best option to find a
job
Use synonyms
, as it
also
Linking Words
 comes with
many harms
Fix the agreement mistake
much harm
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them and for their
land
Use synonyms
.
Other
Change the wording
Another city
Other cities
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 may offer them better
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
, but they may fail and be homeless if they do not have adequate
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and money. The small
town
Use synonyms
 may
also
Linking Words
be perished
Change to the active voice
perish
perished
show examples
 one day if the young
people
Use synonyms
 migrate.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: