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Band 2.5

the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
This
 report derives from a bar chart which illustrates the number of
time
men
 and
women
 spend in their
leisure
 period in a typical week in 1998-99, and
report
Change the verb form
reports
show examples
 various is taken from various employment backgrounds. Overall, the
men
 from unemployed and retired backgrounds had a higher number of relaxation
time
. Not only is
this
 point clear,
at
Correct word choice
but at
show examples
 the same
time
women
 with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 employment background as
men
 with more
leisure
time
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an equal amount of
leisure
time
 in a typical week. Notably,
men
 had 1.5 times more
leisure
time
 than
women
 working full-
time
. There were no figures given for
males
Fix the agreement mistake
male
show examples
part-
time
 workers whereas females had forty hours of
leisure
time
, slightly more than
women
 from full-
time
 employment, perhaps reflecting their work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
.
Lastly
, housewives enjoyed approximately fifty hours of
leisure
time
, on average. There were no figures given for their husbands! the chart demonstrates that in the categories for which statistics on male
leisure
time
 were available,
men
 enjoyed at least ten hours of extra
leisure
time
.
Submitted by imjashu66 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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