Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been a debate on whether paying partly membership of gyms and sport clubs by companies is an effective way to raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-being and productivity at work or not. It will be discussed on both sides as follows: Providing an environment in which jobholders have been encouraged to
exercise
Use synonyms
brings a number of wondrous benefits.
First
Linking Words
of all, as employees are under the pressure at work, they need to unwind
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
tension.
This
Linking Words
is to say that
exercise
Use synonyms
by producing energetic substances
such
Linking Words
as Endorphin,
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
show examples
the happiness of workers and
diminish
Correct subject-verb agreement
diminishes
show examples
their level of stress.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
who possess sedentary jobs suffer from detrimental effects of inactivities like obesity or blood pressure if they do not
exercise
Use synonyms
which
deter
Correct subject-verb agreement
deters
show examples
them from working properly.
conversely
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
who are against
this
Linking Words
idea believe that many labours prefer
pay
Correct article usage
a pay
show examples
rise rather than
such
Linking Words
subsidiaries to work better. What I mean to say is that many
people
Use synonyms
have
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
show examples
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
so they have insufficient time to spend in hums or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
clubs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all employees should be given money to decide on their
owns
Replace the word
own
show examples
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, there will be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inequality which makes workers unsatisfied with their job. To sum up, while some
people
Use synonyms
advocate
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
allocating subsidiary
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sport facilities for employees in companies due to making them intensive to
exercise
Use synonyms
and improve their quality of
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
, others consider it as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
discrimination which
lessen
Change the verb form
lessens
show examples
the proficiency of labours. I side with
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
ones since I hold the view that
people
Use synonyms
should have a right to decide on what dedicate to
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: