Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

#employers #offer #employees #membership #gyms #sport #clubs #staff #work #benefit #arguments #aspects #debate #conclusion

There has been a debate on whether paying partly membership of gyms and sport clubs by companies is an effective way to raise

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

well-being and productivity at work or not. It will be discussed on both sides as follows: Providing an environment in which jobholders have been encouraged to

exercise

brings a number of wondrous benefits.

First

of all, as employees are under the pressure at work, they need to unwind

their

Change preposition

from their

show examples

tension.

This

is to say that

exercise

by producing energetic substances

such

as Endorphin,

raise

Correct subject-verb agreement

raises

show examples

the happiness of workers and

diminish

Correct subject-verb agreement

diminishes

show examples

their level of stress.

Secondly

people

who possess sedentary jobs suffer from detrimental effects of inactivities like obesity or blood pressure if they do not

exercise

which

deter

Correct subject-verb agreement

deters

show examples

them from working properly.

conversely

, those

people

who are against

this

idea believe that many labours prefer

pay

Correct article usage

a pay

show examples

rise rather than

such

subsidiaries to work better. What I mean to say is that many

people

have

hectic

Add an article

a hectic

show examples

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

so they have insufficient time to spend in hums or

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

clubs.

Therefore

, all employees should be given money to decide on their

owns

Replace the word

own

show examples

Otherwise

, there will be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

inequality which makes workers unsatisfied with their job. To sum up, while some

people

advocate

Change preposition

apply

show examples

allocating subsidiary

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sport facilities for employees in companies due to making them intensive to

exercise

and improve their quality of

woking

Correct your spelling

working

show examples

, others consider it as

Remove the article

apply

show examples

discrimination which

lessen

Change the verb form

lessens

show examples

the proficiency of labours. I side with

latter

Correct article usage

the latter

show examples

ones since I hold the view that

people

should have a right to decide on what dedicate to

them

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

Submitted by TUTOO on Fri Jan 13 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Cyber insecurity is a rising problem in many countries. What problems does a lack of cyber security cause to Internet users? What solutions can you suggest to solve it?

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

schoole should stop using books for teaching to learn as they find them boring, and use films tv and computer instead. to what extent do you agree with this.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.