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Band 3.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The above visual shows three various
provincial
Fix the agreement mistake
provincials
show examples
Canada
, South
Korea
 and
Sweden
's trade
quota
Fix the agreement mistake
quotas
show examples
 of
men
 and
women
 in 2005 and 2015. To start with, it is observed that in 2005,
Sweden
 was the
first
 country in
employment
rates
 of both
men
 and
women
 by 78% and 45%.
however
, South
Korea
 stood
next
 to
Sweden
 by 75% in
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
employment
ratio
 but only with 30
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of female
employment
 it stood
last
. Canadian
employment
rates
 for
men
 were 61% which is the lowest amongst other countries but
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
ratio
 of
employment
 is 38% which is quite good compared to others. Moving on to
2015
Change the article
the 2015
show examples
 year, South
Korea
 has the highest
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of
employment
 for
man
Add an article
a man
the man
show examples
that is
 78% and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 female
employment
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 which is 35%. it is noticeable that by 70% of
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
employment
ratio
Canada
 and
Sweden
 is the
second
 highest country. on the opposite nearly
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5% of
difference
Add a comma
,difference
show examples
Canada
 stood
next
 in
women
's
employment
ratio
 and
Sweden
 was the
last
 country by 50% only. Overall to conclude my point,
swedan's
Correct your spelling
Sweden's
 male
employment
ratio
 declined in 2015
on the contrary
 female
employment
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 inclined by 8%. in South
Korea
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
women
 both
employment
rates
 increased
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 3% to 5%. in 2015 following to
this
Canada
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 more changes towards increment by 10% to 18% respectively for
men
 and
women
's
employment
ratio
 in 2015.
Submitted by vimalbosamia on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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