IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The above visual shows three various
provincial
Fix the agreement mistake
provincials
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
, South
Korea
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
's trade
quota
Fix the agreement mistake
quotas
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in 2005 and 2015. To start with, it is observed that in 2005,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was the
first
Linking Words
 country in
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 of both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 by 78% and 45%.
however
Linking Words
, South
Korea
Use synonyms
 stood
next
Linking Words
 to
Sweden
Use synonyms
 by 75% in
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
ratio
Use synonyms
 but only with 30
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of female
employment
Use synonyms
 it stood
last
Linking Words
. Canadian
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 were 61% which is the lowest amongst other countries but
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 is 38% which is quite good compared to others. Moving on to
2015
Change the article
the 2015
show examples
 year, South
Korea
Use synonyms
 has the highest
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 for
man
Add an article
a man
the man
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 78% and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 female
employment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 which is 35%. it is noticeable that by 70% of
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
ratio
Use synonyms
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 is the
second
Linking Words
 highest country. on the opposite nearly
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5% of
difference
Add a comma
,difference
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 stood
next
Linking Words
 in
women
Use synonyms
's
employment
Use synonyms
ratio
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was the
last
Linking Words
 country by 50% only. Overall to conclude my point,
swedan's
Correct your spelling
Sweden's
 male
employment
Use synonyms
ratio
Use synonyms
 declined in 2015
on the contrary
Linking Words
 female
employment
Use synonyms
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 inclined by 8%. in South
Korea
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
women
Use synonyms
 both
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 increased
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 3% to 5%. in 2015 following to
this
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 more changes towards increment by 10% to 18% respectively for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
's
employment
Use synonyms
ratio
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
Submitted by vimalbosamia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: