IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The two line graphs compare the percentage of houses which owned electrical appliances and how much time of housework which was costed in households in a specific country from 1920 to 2019.

The two line graphs compare the percentage of houses which owned electrical appliances and how much time of housework which was costed in households in a specific country from 1920 to 2019.
The graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
percentage of utilizing electrical amenities in houses from 1920 till 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, utilizing
each
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
devices
such
Linking Words
 as
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
 machine, vacuum cleaner and refrigerator increased throughout the period
while
Linking Words
 spending time
regarding
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housework drastically dropped over the period. As is given in the graph, in 1920,
refrigerator
Add an article
the refrigerator
show examples
 was used by 30 % and washing machine is used by 40 % in
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
while
Linking Words
 none
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the people almost owned
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
 in their houses.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the percentage of
this
Linking Words
 figure sharply increased by 1960.
Then
Linking Words
 the
utilizing
Replace the word
utilisation
show examples
 of refrigerators reached a peak.
Untill
Correct your spelling
Until
 the year 2019,
this
Linking Words
 figure
retain
Correct subject-verb agreement
retains
show examples
 the highest percentage between
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two electrical
aplliances
Correct your spelling
appliances
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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