IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Statistics show that female employment in modern century is lower than the male employment. Do you agree that females deserve more spots in industry ? Why or why not?

Across the globe,
women
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 face inferior income opportunities compared with
men
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.
Women
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 are less likely to
work
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 for income or actively seek
work
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. The global labour force participation rate for
women
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 is just over 50% compared to 80% for
men
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. First of all, let's say that there is less
work
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 where
women
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 can
work
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.It can be explained as the hard mankind works always been done by
men
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.The risky works where your life is in line have been done by
men
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.The majority of the army was made up of
men
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.The
work
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 that includes things where you have to
work
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 in a dangerous situation is being done by
men
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.
That is
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 maybe the reason why
this
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 percentage is way low.But of course,
women
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 are
also
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 capable of
this
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 type of job,we are not discriminating against anyone here.Mind you there are obvious jobs where the workers have to be done by
men
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.More specifically car mechanics - the majority of
men
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 have more experience in
this
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 sphere,pilots - biologically
men
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 have more willpower and durability in stressful situations than
women
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,army/soldiers -
women
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 are more important in the social life of every family than
men
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 and man when it comes to defending their family,have to sacrifice his own life for his own family. Let's talk about the salary gap between
women
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 and
men
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.It is one of the stupidest things that ever exist.Simply I can explain
this
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 in the way that : More valuable person = more money he earns.Does his
work
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 better = gets a better salary
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
For ,example let's say football. The 2022 Australian
women
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's national soccer team was thrashed 7-0 by the Under-15 boys of Newcastle Jets in a practice match before the Rio Olympics. It shows us that your salary grows up simultaneously when your value in the
work
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 sphere grows up. The 2019
Women
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's World Cup total prize money was $30
million
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, doubled from the $15
million
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 in 2015. Meanwhile, at the
men
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's World Cup
this
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 year, the winner of the tournament will get $42
million
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 and the total prize money is $440
million
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 – over 14 times as much as the
women
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's edition of the tournament. It's simply because more people rather watch
men
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's World Cup than
women
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's. And
women
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 football players can not say anything against
this
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 fact.Do you want to be paid equally ? For what ? Of course, if your football watches more people you will get paid more.But it's not fair to pay for things only because of equality.
Women
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 get paid more in tennis than
men
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.And that's fair because they are better at
this
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 sport.So whatever.
Work
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 harder - be better

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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