IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph shows the umployment figures among women of different age groups.

The graph shows the umployment figures among women of different age groups.
The line graph compares the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
unemployment
Change preposition
in unemployment
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 data between 8 different age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
ages
Use synonyms
 18 and 45 have the highest unemployment rate
while
Linking Words
ages
Use synonyms
 25, 30 and 35 have the least
umemployed
Correct your spelling
unemployed
employed
 figures.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, around 17% of
women
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
ages
Wrong verb form
aged
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 45 do not
goes
Change the verb form
go
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 to work,
this
Linking Words
 is the highest figure
of
Change preposition
for
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 unemployment.
Ages
Use synonyms
 18 have a bit lower percentage which is around 15% and
ages
Use synonyms
 20 which approximately 8%. It is
noticeably
Change the word
noticeable
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 that the most productive working age of
women
Use synonyms
 is between
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 25,30 and 35. It
saids
Correct your spelling
says
 that less than 5% of
women
Use synonyms
 who does not go to work. Surprisingly, there
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 high employment
on
Change preposition
among
show examples
women
Use synonyms
ages
Use synonyms
 55 and 65, only 10% are unemployed.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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