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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?

#employers #contact #staff #times #holidays #development
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Some
company
Use synonyms
 owners want to contact their employees at each
times
Change to a singular noun
time
show examples
, even on off
days
Use synonyms
. It does not bring any types of benefits rather it creates
worker's
Correct article usage
a worker's
show examples
 private disturbance. On holidays
work
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 brings more demerits than merits.
To begin
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 with, workers are continuing their
working
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work
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
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 five or six
days
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 and get just one day off. On that day if the
company
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's
entrepreneurship
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entrepreneurs
show examples
try
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tries
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 to connect with them
then
Linking Words
 they are feeling
distrub
Correct your spelling
disturb
disturbed
. As it affects their personal lives , they can not enjoy their holiday properly.
For example
Linking Words
, teletalk call
center
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centre
show examples
Use synonyms
company's
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company
show examples
 owner
are
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is
show examples
 calling their employees on public off
days
Use synonyms
 and it will interrupt their private lives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some people may take a few
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days
Change noun form
day's
days'
show examples
holidays
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holiday
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 for
family
Add an article
a family
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occasion
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occasions
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 or other stuff but the entrepreneur
distrubs
Correct your spelling
disturbs
 them by phone calls or by emails ,
then
Linking Words
 they may lose their
work
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's interest
on
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in
show examples
 that
company
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. Whatever, the owner can contact
with
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apply
show examples
them for emergencies but not
in
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apply
show examples
every
times
Change to a singular noun
time
show examples
.
For instance
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, if
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
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 takes holidays for him/her sister's or brother's wedding and
then
Linking Words
 they get any calls or messages from the office , it created masses in his personal life.
Besides
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, it creates
Add an article
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 workers' physical and mental health. Because for refreshment they take a long time break from their
work
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 segment, and if they never relax
their
Change preposition
during their
show examples
 break period
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 will face various types of health issues
such
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 as
,
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apply
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heart attack , blood pressure, depression and so on.
For instance
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,
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in
show examples
new York times I read
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 worker gets
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
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 attack
for
Change preposition
from
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 lots of phone calls and
Use synonyms
work's
Change noun form
work
show examples
 pressure. Though
connect
Wrong verb form
connecting
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 with
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 may be good for
Use synonyms
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
 development and for
well
Change the adverb
good
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 relationships between owners and workers but it has some limitations. In conclusion, some companies should give the employees their own private life and have to give them
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
 for their physical and mental well-being. So I disagree with the essay statement . Because it can not outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by opshorajhumpa2001 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Constant connectivity
  • Workplace availability
  • Crisis management
  • Decision-making
  • Competitive edge
  • Prompt response
  • Flexibility
  • Autonomy
  • Remote work
  • Work-life balance
  • Stress
  • Burnout
  • Personal time
  • Discontent
  • Morale
  • Productivity
  • Proper delegation
  • Team trust
  • Employee well-being
What to do next:
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