IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

#sales #companies #people #money #workers #force #work #factors #consideration #staff #positions
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They
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 are many who say hiring to humankind who are starving for money are the most dedicated workers and they lead to achieving victory hereafter. In my opinion, funds are the most important to our lives because if we don't have ready money
were
Correct your spelling
we are
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 not able to support our basic needs.
This
 is the main reason why people are still
getting
Verb problem
going
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 through problems specifically when it comes to our health.
This
 is a huge demand for our life
such
 as being capable
to pay
Change preposition
of paying
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 bills like rent, electricity, and water bills, supporting educational needs and especially our daily lifestyles. For these grounds, most people
to have
Verb problem
are
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 eager to work hard to give a good future to their family and support hospitalization when needed.
This
 is the way how we take
this
 opportunity to push ourselves hard so we can get what
they
Correct pronoun usage
we
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 want. Factors to be considered when recruiting staff sales representatives have convincing skills, good sense when talking to other people like what they need, giving detailed information about artefacts for comparison to other products and helping them to choose which quality tool to purchase. But the greatest attitude is to know what are the consumer's necessary needs. In Conclusion, finding human resources is hard to find whether they can do things that help you to reach the goal
to have
Change preposition
of having
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 a high profit. It is most important to observe them when they are hired and evaluate
then
 tell them what is right and what needs to
correct
Wrong verb form
be corrected
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. Helping both parties are the
big
Correct word choice
apply
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key to having a successful outcome and benefits for both sides.
Submitted by cristelsarondo on

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task response
Ensure to address the prompt directly and thoroughly. Expand on the relationship between money and hard work, and provide more diverse perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay with clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. Ensure a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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