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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 report illustrates a pie chart depicting how employed individuals in a country spent their
time
Use synonyms
 across six different activities in the years 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the year 1958, the least
time
Use synonyms
 was spent on travelling to work
while
Linking Words
 in 2008, going out with friends and family was the least practised activity. In terms of majority
time
Use synonyms
 spent, in both 1958 and 2008, adults spent most of their
time
Use synonyms
 working. The percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 spent going out with friends and family reduced by thirteen per
cent
Use synonyms
 from 1958 to six per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2008.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on sleep in 1958 was seven per
cent
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 more than that of 2008's twenty-five per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Change preposition
in.
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 The duration spent on work,
however
Linking Words
, increased in 2008 by nine per
cent
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 from 1958 to forty-two per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, in 2008, there was an increase of five per
cent
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 dedicated to hours relaxing at home in 1958 when only eight per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the
time
Use synonyms
 was spent on that.
Lastly
Linking Words
, from 1958 to 2008 there was
also
Linking Words
 an increase in travel to work from two per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sam132457 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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