IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, graduate
people
Use synonyms
immigrate
Wrong verb form
have immigrated
show examples
 to other countries
country
Use synonyms
 for their bright future.
As a result
Linking Words
, they leave their loved ones and best
friends
Use synonyms
 in their hometown.
Although
Linking Words
 growing up in a well-educated
country
Use synonyms
 is a good approach for folks, it has minor drawbacks for their families and school
friends
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I think that moving away from their close relatives brings more success for individuals compared to any disadvantages it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic drawbacks to
Use synonyms
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 moving away from their families and starting a new
life
Use synonyms
 in another region.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can not help their parents in any serious situations.
For example
Linking Words
, if anyone from the family is facing any health problem
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
, who are staying abroad, are not able to help them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sometimes they
even cannot
Wrong verb form
are not
show examples
able
Rephrase
even able
show examples
 to contact their family.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their best
friends
Use synonyms
 behind, which are very helpful in good or bad situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, some folks share feelings with their
friends
Use synonyms
 if they
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 any stress in
life
Use synonyms
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of , say they feel relaxed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, despite the disadvantages above, I believe
people
Use synonyms
 should gain more advantages from
this
Linking Words
 approach. One great benefit is that they become independent
people
Use synonyms
, which is needed in
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can manage their responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, self-caring and commuting. Another positive aspect is that they gain more knowledge from
this
Linking Words
 diverse
country
Use synonyms
 and learn new cultures.
For example
Linking Words
, they can learn new languages and
also
Linking Words
 learn how to talk to professional
people
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 make new
friends
Use synonyms
 and neighbours.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can grow their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 approach. In conclusion, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to other countries
country
Use synonyms
 for a better future. I believe, being moved to another region far outweighs any of the minor disadvantages that could have.
Submitted by writing7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay by using proper paragraph development and organization. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly present the main ideas of your essay. Provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the task prompt, provides clear and comprehensive ideas, and supports them with relevant and specific examples. Consider the advantages and disadvantages of people moving away from their families for work, and provide a balanced argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: