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Band 4.5

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

#employees #work #home #technology #people #benefit #workers #employers
With the development of technology, remote
work
 stepped up and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 shaped people’s working approach.
However
, some people believe that
such
 a change
do
Change the verb form
does
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 benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
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employees, but
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 nothing
that is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 to the
employers
. In my opinion, working online gives both
employers
 and employees so many opportunities, which is not just
challenge
Correct article usage
a challenge
show examples
. Admittedly ,when lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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physically supervising
Replace the word
physical supervision
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, remote
work
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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probably
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
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 the bosses’ benefits , since
workers
 can finish their tasks
instead
 of arriving
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 office.
Therefore
, it appears to be uncertain that the
workers
 can 100%
work
 hard at home which lacks
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
 vibe. It is more likely to make
workers
 reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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miss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deadline
Fix the agreement mistake
deadlines
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc,
as a result
 of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack of
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 efficiency, companies would lose their own competition, which leads to a downturn.
However
,
such
dilemma
Correct article usage
a dilemma
show examples
 can be prevented by acting a more productive plan, and for the
employers
Add a comma
employers,
show examples
 more advantages can be uncovered. In my perspective, speaking broadly, bosses should see the positive and bright side of remote working, which means more opportunities to hire excellent
workers
 who are digital nomads, to reduce the cost of paying the rent, since most real working environments can be replaced by working online.
For example
, some online shops don’t have a real working space
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but still make big bucks.
Therefore
, it is remote
work
 that can lead the company to adapt to the new era better, which means a lot in surviving on
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 digital economy.
Overall
, remote
work
 can benefit both
employers
 and employees.By finding more productive and smart ways to
usage
Replace the word
use
show examples
 it, everyone can find new opportunities ,and learn and grow and strong in their career.
Submitted by noahchonge on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main ideas and provide a sense of closure. Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Address the task more directly by clearly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Use specific examples to support your points and ensure that your ideas are clear and comprehensive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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