IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Canadian men and woman in different age groups who held gym memberships in 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Canadian men and woman in different age groups who held gym memberships in 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #canadian #men #woman #age #groups #gym #memberships #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 diverse
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to be a member of
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 in Canada. The bar graph
also
Linking Words
 shows
difference
Add an article
the difference
a difference
show examples
 in sex.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 women
are always have
Change the verb form
always have
show examples
 more memberships than men
except
Add the preposition
forexcept
show examples
 18 to 27
age
Use synonyms
 group. Looking at the graph more closely, an upward trend was seen at all ages in female
groups
Use synonyms
. In
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 of 38 to 67
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
female
groups
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 over 30%. the other
groups
Use synonyms
 are below 30%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, male
groups
Use synonyms
 have a various
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 in terms of enrolling memberships. A downward trend was seen in
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
 to 47
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the bar chart hit a low point in 38 to 47 which is under 20%. After that,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of memberships grew steadily.
Submitted by hayoung2cho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: