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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #participation #women #management #three #companies #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table depicts the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
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 who participated in senior management positions in three
companies
Use synonyms
 over 40
years
Use synonyms
 from 1975 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the number of
women
Use synonyms
 working
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior manager level in Eldan and Bamforth
LTD
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
 is increasing throughout the given time.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the Finsbury
LTD
Use synonyms
percentage
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 was changing every
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
. In the year 1975 more
women
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 were in senior positions at Finsbury
Ltd
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 than the other two
companies
Use synonyms
 amounting to 16%, but the
percentage
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drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 14% after
five
Use synonyms
years
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, followed by a rise of 1%
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 later. In 1990,
women
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’s
percentage
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 7% but again the rate drop back to 20% in 2000. After 15
years
Use synonyms
, 26% of top posts were filled by
women
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Eldan and Bamforth are two
companies
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 display a
steady
Change the adjective
steadily
show examples
 increasing trend from the beginning of the period till 2015. There was no change
saw
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
 in Eldan
LTD
Use synonyms
 data in the first
five
Use synonyms
years
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 it was accounting for 3%.
Then
Linking Words
 after
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 inclined more than threefold and consistently rose in the final year,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 made up the highest
percentage
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 of 64%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was far more as compared to other
companies
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Bamforth
LTD
Use synonyms
 got 9% in the starting
years
Use synonyms
 and gradually increased with an average of 2% in each subsequent period until 2000.
However
Linking Words
, in 2015 the proportion rose by 29% and
recorded
Add a missing verb
was recorded
show examples
 as 46%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, women, companies, years, ltd, five with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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