IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses.Is it right to exclude males or females from certain profession because of their gender.

#women #men #strengths #weaknesses #right #males #females #profession #gender
Women
 and
men
are generally look
Change the verb form
generally look
show examples
 as having dissimilar forces and
weak
Add a missing verb
being weak
show examples
.It seems to me that
women
 are weak toward
men
 for working,and I will explain why in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, sometimes females and males are
Add an article
the exception
an exception
show examples
exception
Change the noun form
exceptions
show examples
 to
work
, and It has related
themselves
Change preposition
to themselves
show examples
 and their job circumstances.Since the
women
 can not lift heavy things easily and they have weak
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physically toward males,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 the
men
 are consistent and
strongly
Replace the word
strong
show examples
,and they are endurable against
lift
Wrong verb form
lifting
show examples
 heavy things.
For example
,a woman better
work
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hospital as a nurse
toward
Change preposition
than
show examples
 a man
where
Correct word choice
who
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
works in
a mines
Correct the article-noun agreement
mines
a mine
show examples
.A second factor,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 female and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 are vulnerable in workplaces
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and must
excluded
Change the verb form
exclude
be excluded
show examples
 for them.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there are
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
 In some jobs
such
 as sense of smell and
skinny
Add a missing verb
being skinny
show examples
.
For instance
, It is not vital for a woman to
work
 in a
work
 environment contaminated with dangerous substances
such
 as uranium.
This
 leads us
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the final,and perhaps most significant drawback to
women
 is acrophobia.
That is
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
 more
scare
Replace the word
scared
show examples
 than
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 from highness,they are not necessary to
work
 at an elevation.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
washing
window
Fix the agreement mistake
windows
show examples
 at
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 height tower. It is true that there are
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who can
work
common
Change preposition
in common
show examples
,and they are equally powerful.As
also
,there is no exception for them in anything.
Dispite
Correct your spelling
Despite
this
,It seems that
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all females and all males
where
Correct word choice
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had worked in
improper
Add an article
the improper
show examples
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
show examples
,and without to achieve any
informations
Change the wording
pieces of information
show examples
 from
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
,now
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffer
fram
Correct your spelling
from
 unhealthy
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
 and
men
 do not have to
work
abnormal
Change preposition
in abnormal
show examples
 conditions or lift heavy things,or
work
 at heights.It has related themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since there are
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who like
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 that.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: