IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The first chart shows the energy consumption by the average household in Australia, while the second chart illustrates the greenhouse gas emission that come from this energy consumption. Specifically, heating and water heating consume a significant amount of energy, most of the greenhouse gas emission come from water heating and other appliances. Moreover, this shows that heating and water heating are the two largest uses of energy, with 42 and 30 percent of the total. Othe appliances consume 15%, which is roughly twice as energy used by refrigeration. Lighting and cooling use minute energy, at 4% and 2%. In conclusion, heating is one of the highest sources used in the household energy use, while water heating is one of the major sources of greenhouse gas emission. The second largest source of emission is other appliances which is 28%. Shockingly, heating produce less amount of emission rather than uses of energy, the refrigeration produce 14% , while using energy 7%. Finally lighting and cooling result at 8% and 3%

The first chart shows the energy consumption by the average household in Australia, while the second chart illustrates the greenhouse gas emission that come from this energy consumption. Specifically, heating and water heating consume a significant amount of energy, most of the greenhouse gas emission come from water heating and other appliances. Moreover, this shows that heating and water heating are the two largest uses of energy, with 42 and 30 percent of the total. Othe appliances consume 15%, which is roughly twice as energy used by refrigeration. Lighting and cooling use minute energy, at 4% and 2%. In conclusion, heating is one of the highest sources used in the household energy use, while water heating is one of the major sources of greenhouse gas emission. The second largest source of emission is other appliances which is 28%. Shockingly, heating produce less amount of emission rather than uses of energy, the refrigeration produce 14% , while using energy 7%. Finally lighting and cooling result at 8% and 3%
#first #energy #consumption #household #australia #second #greenhouse #gas #emission #water #amount #appliances #two #percent #refrigeration #minute #conclusion #sources #source
The first chart shows the
energy
 consumption by the average household in Australia,
while
 the second chart illustrates the greenhouse gas
emission
 that
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from
this
energy
 consumption. Specifically, heating and
water
 heating consume a significant amount of
energy
,
most
Correct word choice
and most
show examples
 of the greenhouse gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 come from
water
 heating and other appliances.
Moreover
,
this
 shows that heating and
water
 heating are the two largest uses of
energy
, with 42 and 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the total.
Othe
Correct your spelling
Other
show examples
 appliances consume 15%, which is roughly twice as
energy
Correct quantifier usage
much energy
show examples
 used by refrigeration. Lighting and cooling use minute
energy
, at 4% and 2%. In conclusion, heating is one of the highest sources used in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household
energy
 use,
while
water
 heating is one of the major sources of greenhouse gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
. The second largest source of
emission
 is other appliances which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 28%. Shockingly, heating
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 less amount of
emission
 rather than uses of
energy
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
refrigeration
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 14%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 using
energy
 7%.
Finally
 lighting and cooling result at 8% and 3%.
Submitted by tdpatel0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, emission, water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: