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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the spending (in $ millions) 18-20 year olds in one country on 5 different products in 2010 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The chart below shows the spending (in $ millions) 18-20 year olds in one country on 5 different products in 2010 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
Purchasing (in
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
)
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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five disparate commodities in 2000 and 2014 in a nation by 18 -
20 year olds
Add a hyphen
20-year-olds
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 is depicted by a bar chart.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that food products were the most bought product in 2010 and 2014. the data contains foods, clothes,
books
Use synonyms
, smartphones, and toiletries products purchased by 18-20 years old. It can be vividly seen that purchasing power of the food was 3700
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 making it the most purchased product in 2010 and 2014.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
books
Use synonyms
 were the least purchased product making 100
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in the same year.
However
Linking Words
, buying clothes is unchanged as people of 18 -20 years spent 2500
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in both the years 2010 and 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 spending on smartphones increased by 700
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 Making 2700
million
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dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2014. In the year
2010
Add a comma
,2010
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 it was 2000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 on mobile phones. Moving towards the rest of the information, the purchase of toiletries products slightly increased. It was nineteen 100
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 it generated revenue of 2000
million
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dollars
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 purchasing of
books
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 decreased drastically . In 2014 it become half of what it was in 2010. 500
million
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dollars
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 spent on
books
Use synonyms
 in 2014.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million, dollars, books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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