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Writing Samples
Band 4

This line chart shows trends in terms of employment i the USA in millions and predictions for the future.

This line chart shows trends in terms of employment i the USA in millions and predictions for the future.
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Linking Words
This
Change preposition
In this
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 line chart we can see trends of employment in different things in the United States of America throughout the years in millions.
Over all
Correct your spelling
Overall
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, we can see that during the
last
Linking Words
 15 years, between the years 1975 and
2025
Add a comma
,2025
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 there has been some increment in the area of services and some decreasement in manufacturing and agriculture.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we can see that at
first
Add a comma
,first
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 the services were steady between 10 and 15 million but in 1979
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 went up sharply to end in 90. In the area of
manufacturing
Add a comma
,manufacturing
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 it was similar to services at
first,
Linking Words
in 1979 it went up and got to 40
however
Linking Words
 in 1980 it dropped to 10 million in 2025.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the one that had the most changes
Add the comma(s)
, in particular,
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in particular
Linking Words
 was agriculture. It started in 1975 with 80 million just to
plung
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plunge
plug
 to 50 in 1979, to finish up with 10 in 2025.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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