The two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors' contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016.

The two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors' contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016.
The two pie charts give information
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
of manufacturing
parts'
Change noun form
parts
show examples
gift the economy of Turkey between 2000 and 2016.
Overall
, as can be seen from the graph
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
which
resource
Correct subject-verb agreement
resources
show examples
the most
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and the less
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
To begin
with, the first chart illustrates a great deal of information in 2000 . Agriculture more contributed to 24 %
whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
construction helped less than other sectors . it was only 3 %. Leisure and Hospitality, Healthcare and Education donated the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
to 17 and Government , Manufacturing , Utilities and transportation from
trade
Correct article usage
the trade
show examples
side and Business and Others from
finance
Correct article usage
the finance
show examples
direction . They were 12 , 8 , 14 and 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
respectively
On the other hand
, the second chart provides all sectors how
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in 2016. Healthcare and Education
not
Add a missing verb
have not
show examples
changed . It remained
17
Change preposition
at 17
show examples
% and
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
sector the most assisted than others and
also
Agriculture ,
Goverment
Correct your spelling
government
and Leisure and Hospitality declined by contribution
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 2000 to 2016 by 10 % , 3 % and 3 % respectively.
By contrast
, Manufacturing , Construction , Business and other and
also
Utilities and Transportation jumped by 4 , 7, 3 and 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
respectively
Submitted by chartakinnovation on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: