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Band 4

Some people think that big salary is more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #salary #job #satisfaction
In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, many
people
 are attracted by high
salary
 prefer to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
while
 working.
People
 think
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
 can help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 have more money and
then
required
Add a missing verb
be required
show examples
 to buy some stuff. Is it possible to get both of
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
?
However
, I strongly
diasgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with
this
, I believe
job
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 is more important than working without interest for a big pay because it
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 happier when the
job
 environment
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 comfortable and enjoyable.
Firstly
,
people
 who enjoy
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 have more
foccus
Correct your spelling
focus
 and concentrate on their
work
. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, they
work
 productively because feel comfortable when
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
. They may
also
work
 longer hours even
the
Correct word choice
if the
show examples
salary
 is less. The
work
 environment
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 comfortable and enjoyable when the
job
according
Add a missing verb
is according
show examples
 to ability, good workmates and appreciate each other so they can not feel
job
 pressure. Another reason why
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 is more important
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 there are
people
Correct pronoun usage
who asume
show examples
asume
Correct your spelling
assume
work
 is a pleasure so they
work
 hard without
think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 about
salary
.
Secondly
,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
environtment
Correct your spelling
environment
while
 working strongly
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
such
 as stress,
hypertention
Correct your spelling
hypertension
, heart attack, body pain and
mental
Change the adjective
mentally
show examples
sick
Replace the word
sickness
show examples
.
For example
, I have a friend
got
Correct pronoun usage
who got
show examples
 a new
job
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 Financial Institution with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
. She was happy
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 year but the problem arises when she
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 so tired because the distance from her house to her
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 is so far and always
cathing
Correct your spelling
catching
show examples
 a cold. My friend had a plan to move to another
job
 because she think about ber health. In conclusion,
job
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 is essential because
people
 feel happier and healthier if enjoy their
job
 with good environmental support.
Submitted by srianggreni0802 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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