IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Something that is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #activities #video #games
It is believed by some individuals that the little ones should be involved in different
activities
while
 growing.They
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 opine that kids should participate in
outdoor
Add an article
an outdoor
the outdoor
show examples
 exercise in place of playing video games.I fully agree with
this
 view, and
this
 essay will explain my position in detail. During the early
life
 of
children
,it is important that they partake in
activities
 that will develop mental, psychological and emotional status.When young ones
participates
Change the verb form
participate
show examples
 in outdoor procedures, especially with other kids, they
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to become more lively and confident in themselves.
This
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
 their
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 to easily relate with others later in
life
.
For example
,
children
 who engaged in exercises
out side
Correct your spelling
outside
show examples
 are seen to be more outspoken and relate well with colleagues in the future,says
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
United
Correct article usage
a United
show examples
kingdom
Correct your spelling
Kingdom
show examples
 reporter.
Furthermore
,
children
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 the opportunity to develop critical thinking when they partake in outdoor
activities
.Ability to think and reason deeply is needed in all spheres of
life
 in other to be successful.
This
 is built
while
children
 are growing up through
activities
 that have to do with solving
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems
such
 as sudoku puzzles,
matching
Correct word choice
and matching
show examples
 of words.If
children
 can be engaged in different social
activities
while
 they are young
instead
 of playing video games they will not find it difficult to
profer
Correct your spelling
proffer
show examples
 solutions to issues of
life
.
For instance
,a child who has undergone
series
Correct article usage
a series
show examples
 of outdoor
activities
 will be able to perform well with school arithmetic
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. In conclusion,
children
 can be allowed to play video games during their free time;
however
,I fully agree that they should
participates
Change the verb form
participate
show examples
 in outdoor
activities
 because it will help them to develop critical thinking,
anda
Correct your spelling
and
great
Add a missing verb
have great
show examples
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 in the future.
Submitted by thomolaitan30 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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