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Band 3

The line chart details the proportion of residents living in Australia in millions from different regions between 1976 and 2011.

#line #proportion #residents #australia #millions #regions
The line graph provided highlights the number of dwellers from the
UK
, Asia, and other nations who lived in Australia from 1976 to 2011.
Overall
, the total number of the Australian population had
raised
Verb problem
risen
show examples
,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 the
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 from Asia increasing significantly
while
 the
UK
residents
 witnessed the opposite trend during the period given. To be specific, in 1976, individuals from the
UK
 outnumbered all the other nations with 14
million
people
 living in Australia.
However
, the figure for
UK
residents
 dropped continuously to 5
million
people
 in 2011.
In contrast
,
residents
 from Asia experienced a notable growth from the initial figure(5
million
) to 15
million
residents
 in 2011. As for the remaining nations, they shared a similar trend with the
UK
 in the first 10 years, starting from roughly 11
million
 dwellers in 1976. After that, the number gradually increased to approximately 14
million
people
 in 2006 and
then
 experienced a slight dip to 13
million
 in 2011. The total figure of
residents
 witnessed a significant decline to 19
million
people
 and
then
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 25
million
people
at the end
 of the period given.
Submitted by 4949angela on

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task response
Task response: The essay provides an overview of the data and describes the trends during the period. However, there is a lack of detailed analysis and comparison of the data. Provide more specific information on the figures and trends to fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a basic logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion. However, the presentation of information lacks clarity and precision. Try to organize the ideas more effectively and use cohesive devices to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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