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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #cement #process #purposes #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram shows the process of making
cement
Use synonyms
 and how
cemente
Correct your spelling
cement
 is used to produce concrete which is used for construction purposes.
Cement
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production
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consist
Change the verb form
consists
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 of 5 stages in total and the raw material used is limestone and clay.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
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 concrete
production
Use synonyms
require
Change the verb form
requires
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mixing
Correct article usage
the mixing
show examples
 of
cement
Use synonyms
 with water, sand and gravel. In the
production
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 of
cement
Use synonyms
Linking Words
initially
Add a comma
,initially
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 limestone and clay is passed through crusher and powdered.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 powder is passed through
mixer
Correct article usage
a mixer
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 and mixed properly.
Linking Words
Subsequently
Add a comma
,Subsequently
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 the powder is passed through
Correct article usage
a roatating
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roatating
Correct your spelling
rotating
 heater, where heat is applied
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the materials passed through it. Later the powder substance is grinder well with the help of a grinder.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 the
cement
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 is produced and packed in bags for easy transportation and sale of product.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
production
Use synonyms
 of concrete using
cement
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 is
compartively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
 an easier process. For
this
Linking Words
,
cement
Use synonyms
 (15%), water (10%), Sand (25%), and gravel (50%)
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 combined together using huge
concreate
Correct your spelling
concrete
show examples
 mixers which
roatates
Correct your spelling
rotate
 in speed. For quality concrete half of the mixture should consist of gravel, which are small stones with a ratio of quarter sand and
quater
Correct your spelling
quarter
cement
Use synonyms
 with water.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
production
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 of
cement
Use synonyms
 is a long process,
whereas
Linking Words
concreate
Correct your spelling
concrete
show examples
production
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 is an easier method. Only a 15
perecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
this
Linking Words
cement
Use synonyms
 is used in the
production
Use synonyms
 of
concreate
Correct your spelling
concrete
show examples
.
Submitted by liyajayas on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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