The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The given pie charts illustrate how the employees of one nation distributed their daily schemes between different activities in 1958 and in 2008. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
perspective, it is evident that in both
years
Use synonyms
working ranked first among any other activity, followed by sleeping,
while
Linking Words
the rest occupations show many variations. In more detail,working accounted for 33% of the daily routine in 1958 ,rising up to 42% fifty
years
Use synonyms
later. Continually, sleeping contributes as the second highest percentage with 32% and 25% respectively to the dates above mentioned. A big difference is depicted with the time consumed in going out since it allocated almost one-fifth of the day in 1958, in comparison with 2008 which ranked
last
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in the
overall
Linking Words
share with a mere 6%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,relaxing at home has increased proportion by a margin of 5% between the
years
Use synonyms
, from 8% to 13%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
the least amount of time in the past was spent on travelling to work ( 2%), a proportion that has quadrupled.
Finally
Linking Words
, the remaining percentage which is 6% in both
years
Use synonyms
is allocated to other hobbies
such
Linking Words
as playing sports.
Submitted by mariamelina2002 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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