The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The given pie charts illustrate how the employees of one nation distributed their daily schemes between different activities in 1958 and in 2008. Looking from an

overall

Linking Words

perspective, it is evident that in both

years

Use synonyms

working ranked first among any other activity, followed by sleeping,

while

Linking Words

the rest occupations show many variations. In more detail,working accounted for 33% of the daily routine in 1958 ,rising up to 42% fifty

years

Use synonyms

later. Continually, sleeping contributes as the second highest percentage with 32% and 25% respectively to the dates above mentioned. A big difference is depicted with the time consumed in going out since it allocated almost one-fifth of the day in 1958, in comparison with 2008 which ranked

last

Linking Words

in the

overall

Linking Words

share with a mere 6%.

On the other hand

Linking Words

,relaxing at home has increased proportion by a margin of 5% between the

years

Use synonyms

, from 8% to 13%.

Furthermore

Linking Words

the least amount of time in the past was spent on travelling to work ( 2%), a proportion that has quadrupled.

Finally

Linking Words

, the remaining percentage which is 6% in both

years

Use synonyms

is allocated to other hobbies

such

Linking Words

as playing sports.

Submitted by mariamelina2002 on Fri May 19 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

189 words

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