IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of males and females who worked in three different sectors in two countries in 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of males and females who worked in three different sectors in two countries in 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #males #females #three #sectors #two #countries #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided pie charts
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 information about the rate of male and female
worked
Change the form of the verb
working
show examples
 in three different sectors (
agriculture
Use synonyms
,
industry
Use synonyms
 and
serviec
Correct your spelling
services
service
) in two
unclearified
Correct your spelling
unclarified
unclassified
 countries in 2007. The units are measured in
percentageges
Correct your spelling
percentages
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in both
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 the rate of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in the service sections took the predominant position. It is
also
Linking Words
 clear that the
share
Use synonyms
 for an
industry
Use synonyms
section
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A was the least worked
section
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the same
figure
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
 was least considerable. 8%
aparted
Correct your spelling
apart
 the
share
Use synonyms
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 working in
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A from the same
figure
Use synonyms
 for
females
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A (49%) with the dominance of the former. The same index of male working in
Use synonyms
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A (43%) was higher than the same
figure
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A for
females
Use synonyms
. The same
figure
Use synonyms
 for
males
Use synonyms
 working in
Use synonyms
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A (15%). The same
share
Use synonyms
 for
females
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A (8%) was the least
considerable
Replace the word
considered
show examples
 in the group. 23 %
aparted
Correct your spelling
apart
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 of
females
Use synonyms
 in
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 from the same
share
Use synonyms
 for
males
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 (65%) with the dominance of
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
. The same index for
males
Use synonyms
 working in an
industry
Use synonyms
section
Use synonyms
 (32%) was higher than the same
figure
Use synonyms
 for
females
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 (11%). The same
share
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 for
males
Use synonyms
 was 3%
while
Linking Words
 the same data for
females
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 was the least considerable (1%).
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, industry, share, section, country, figure, females, males, b with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • percentage
  • sector
  • comparison
  • male
  • female
  • country
  • evaluation
  • trend
  • proportion
  • data
  • contrast
  • variation
  • labor market
What to do next:
Look at other essays: