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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts beloow show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak othe languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts beloow show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak othe languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The charts show the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the British students, who are able to speak
languages
Use synonyms
 other than English, in 2000 and in 2010. In 2000, 20% of the British students were not able to speak another language. But in 2010 the number has decreased to 10%, which is good because it shows that more people have learned other
languages
Use synonyms
 well. The biggest
percentage
Use synonyms
 had Spanish only with 30% in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, it has increased by 5% and is in 2010 still the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 with 35%. In 2000, German only and two other
languages
Use synonyms
 were the lowest ones, both with 10%.
While
Linking Words
 in 2010 French only, German only and two other
languages
Use synonyms
 show the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 all of them got 10%. All in all, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of German only in 2000 and 2010 hasn't changed. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of French only has decreased by 5%. No other
languages
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was reduced by the half from the 20% in 2000 to 10% in 2010. The number of people, who are speaking two other
languages
Use synonyms
 has increased by half: In 2000 there were 10% and in 2010 there are 15%. Another interesting fact is that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of another language has improved as well: from 15% to 20%. But still, the most common learned language is Spanish only: In 2000 there were 30% of English students, who spoke it fluently,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010 the number has increased
further
Linking Words
 to 35%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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