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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #film #actors #company #bosses #sums #money #proportion #importance #work #-how #-what #criteria
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No one would deny that certain workers
such
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 as nurses,doctors and teachers are being underpaid and some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they should be paid more
while
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 other
people
Use synonyms
 like film actors or company bosses
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 paid
insanly
Correct your spelling
insanely
 high for the work that they do.I partially agree with
given
Add an article
the given
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 notion.
this
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 essay state points to support my views.
Apperantly
Correct your spelling
Apparently
,various factors influence a section of
people
Use synonyms
 to advocate that the health care workers and teachers deserve a pay rise.
to begin
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 with,medical staff are always short-staffed.
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as
Correct your spelling
As
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 a result one person does
a
Correct article usage
apply
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work that should have been done by 4
people
Use synonyms
.
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secondly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
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 teachers are often a source of inspiration and motivation,pushing students to do their best even though their students might not believe in themselves.they are able to help shape academic goals.
hence
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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are deserve to be paid fairly.
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likewise
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Likewise
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medical
Replace the word
medicine
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 is a difficult field that requires commitment,dedication,
hardwork
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hard work
,
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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 to multitask,intelligence,spontaneous
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 skills and most importantly patience and resilience.
Linking Words
as
Correct your spelling
As
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 a result,it deserves to be
compansated
Correct your spelling
compensated
 adequately.
Eventhough
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Even though
,
people
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 working in the fields of acting and business
also
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 contribute to
societies
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society
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 by inspiring
people
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 in various aspects.
in particular
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businessman
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businessmen
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 and
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 can bring
frame
Correct article usage
a frame
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 and name
for
Change preposition
to
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 the countries.through their actions and achievements.
to
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To
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 illustrate
together with
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 the rise of
maradona
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Maradona
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 in the 1950s,
argentina
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Argentina
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 saw a massive increase in its popularity,
makind
Correct your spelling
making
 it a well-known tourist destination by 1960. In conclusion,remuneration is a key consideration of
ant
Correct article usage
the ant
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profession
Replace the word
professionals
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 and all of them are struggling to earn a living,
hence
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 the government is to consider the sector which
require
Change the verb form
requires
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 attention and focus funds in the right direction.
Submitted by sharmap1811 on

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