IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

#women #men #strengths #weaknesses #right #males #females #professions #gender
Nowadays, most
men
 and
women
 have a profession, but some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 cannot get their ideal job because of their
gender
. In my point of view, everyone has the right to choose what they want to be and what makes them happy.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 point to consider is that every single person on the planet has the freedom to do what they enjoy doing and to set goals for themselves, and one should stop someone from working in his ideal job just by the person's
gender
.
Men
 and
women
 have differences from each other, but both of them have their ways of thinking and acting, which can create amazing ideas and projects by cooperating together.
For example
, in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
building construction,
women
 could not be as strong as
men
 to carry heavy materials, but they will have a better perspective for a plant that will suit a future family living there.
Last
 but not least,
people
 can never underestimate anyone by their looks, characteristics or
gender
. Normally
people
 that apply for a job
that is
 unusual for their
gender
 are goal-setters,
this
 means
people
 with an objective and dreams to achieve, so they probably worked very hard for it.
For instance
, most
women
 are better at cooking than
men
, but in many
people
’s views Gordon Ramsy is the best chef in the world, and he is a man.
Afterall
Correct your spelling
After all
show examples
,
people
 always talk about
gender
 equality, but for
me
Add a comma
,me
show examples
 the most important thing is to show it by actions we do
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
Submitted by cwizjr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal views
  • inherent biases
  • professional capabilities
  • gender inclusivity
  • equal opportunities
  • diversity
  • unique perspectives
  • physical attributes
  • psychological attributes
  • workplace adaptations
  • modern advancements
  • legal frameworks
  • gender discrimination
  • ethical implications
  • career opportunities
  • case studies
  • real-world examples
  • traditionally dominated
  • successful outcomes
  • atypical roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: