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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #process #cement #purposes #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The figures illustrate the process of
cement
Use synonyms
-making step by step, and for producing concrete which is used for building constructions, how much
cement
Use synonyms
 is used in concrete.
Overall
Linking Words
, for producing
cement
Use synonyms
 there are two main
materials
Use synonyms
 which are needed,
also
Linking Words
 it takes five different stages with three different
equipment
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of equipment
show examples
. Concrete
that is
Linking Words
 used for
building
Add an article
the building
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 four
materials
Use synonyms
 which gravel has the highest ratio, and water has the least. In
cement
Use synonyms
production
Add a comma
,production
show examples
 there are two main
materials
Use synonyms
: limestone and clay.
Linking Words
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the first stage
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crusher limestone and clay
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 powder,
then
Linking Words
 they are mixed very well by a mixer. After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it is thrown in the rotating heater
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and gets heated. And in the final stage grinder is used to prepare
final
Correct article usage
the final
show examples
production
Replace the word
product
show examples
 which is the
cement
Use synonyms
 and go for packing. for producing concrete there is only one equipment and four
materials
Use synonyms
. Gravel which are small stones
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the most ratio in concrete with 50%. Sand has the one-fourth ratio, and
cement
Use synonyms
 and water have 15% and 10% respectively. All the
materials
Use synonyms
 are filled in the concrete mixer to mix well to produce concrete.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, materials with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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