Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
At
this
age
Add a comma
,age
children
waste their time
watching a huge amount of times tv
and playing video games. Against that
some think that it can be harmful Add a comma
,that
for
Change the preposition
to
children
's mental health. Actually
there is no Add a comma
,Actually
directly
connection between Change the adverb
direct
time
spending
in front of the Wrong verb form
spent
screen
and mental health.It depends on what they watch and what they play. Screen
time
can destroy kids
' mindsets while
they are interested in harmful things
but if they use for
that Change preposition
apply
time
for watching useful things
this
idea would not be valid anymore.
From point of my view, what children
do is more important than where
Correct word choice
what
children
do. Time
spending
on beneficial Replace the word
spent
things
in front of screen
is much better than Add an article
the screen
a screen
time
spending
on Replace the word
spent
things
which able
to damage Add a missing verb
are able
child
. Sometimes Add an article
a child
the child
screen
time
may even be reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
of
Change preposition
for
succeed
. To clarify, parents should prefer watching documentaries on Replace the word
success
TV
instead
of playing with bad guys for
their Change preposition
with
children
. Because watching documentary improves child's
general knowledge but playing with bad guys does not have any beneficial extent.
Correct article usage
a child's
On the other hand
, first
paragraph does not mean that Change the article
the first
children
should be allowed to watching
Wrong verb form
watch
TV
for an
hours and hours. Parents can not be available for checking what their Correct article usage
apply
kids
watch every time
. There is no doubt that,
Remove the comma
apply
child
watching channel or playing game which is not for Add an article
a child
kids
will be affected because individuals should learn information in order. There is some knowledge which can leave permanent damage for
Change preposition
to
Correct article usage
a child
child
brain about murders, wars and crimes because Change the noun
child's
Add an article
the child
a child
child
can be influenced easier than others. They can not decide which is true or not. In order to Fix the agreement mistake
children
this
, if no one Add a missing verb
do this
check
them watching Change the verb form
checks
TV
is extremely dangerous for children
. For example
, if child
has missions which order to kill someone in Add an article
the child
a child
computer
game Correct article usage
a computer
child
brain normalize that after a Change noun form
child's
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
time
. There are a lot of guilty people who were affected by computer games.
In conclusion, with the easier accessing
to technology Replace the word
access
children
watch TV
for surprisingly much time
. On the
contrary
some say that it is dangerous for Add a comma
,contrary
kids
' psychology. I declined that there is no completely
connection between Change the adverb
complete
time
and mental health. The topic has much more relations
with mental.Fix the agreement mistake
relation
Submitted by yunussemreozkaya on
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- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
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