IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

do young people today make good use of their leisure time? or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities?

#people #leisure #time #television #video #games #part #activities
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Leisure
Use synonyms
 is the
time
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 that
people
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 can enjoy their free
time
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 and do the things they like. They can relax, rest, and enjoy life after
do
Change the verb form
doing
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 their everyday
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as working, studying, and
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
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. For young
peoploe
Correct your spelling
people
,
leisure
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time
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 is important because it can
increase
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 creativity,
physical
Correct word choice
and physical
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 and mental health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they use their
leisure
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time
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 in a good way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
people
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 choose watching
television
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 and playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 as their
leisure
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activities
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. In my opinion,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
Use synonyms
 and playing
video
Use synonyms
games
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and body feel
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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, refresh, and recharge. Another reason why young
people
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loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
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 to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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television
Use synonyms
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 they can learn new things and
increase
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knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
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.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 reason is these
activities
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 feel enjoyable and entertaining. But, it is very important to balance it with other
activities
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. Too much watching
television
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 and playing
video
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games
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 can have a negative effect,
increase
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 anxiety, and affect their mental health. Some expert says
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
Use synonyms
 or playing
video
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games
Use synonyms
just
Change preposition
for just
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 one hour per day. If more than that, it will affect and
increase
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 heart disease.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
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 say that it is better to do
a productive
Correct the article-noun agreement
productive activities
a productive activity
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activities
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 rather than watching
television
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 and playing
video
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games
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. Because it will be more beneficial or have a good improvement to life.
Some
Correct determiner usage
An
show examples
 example that a lot of
people
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 consider
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 productive
Use synonyms
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 is exercise. It can burn calories and makes the body more healthy. In conclusion, young
people
Use synonyms
 use their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in a great way. They choose to
watching
Change the verb
watch
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 in their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them feel
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 and recharge.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that they should do more productive
activities
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of just sitting in a chair or couch.
Submitted by natashasulaemann on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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