Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Nowadays, a vast majority of people consider that the roughness on television and in

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

has a negative impact on society rather than a positive effect on their habits. I firmly

agreed

Wrong verb form

agree

show examples

with the former view, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

To begin

Linking Words

with, it has been considered by some groups of people that the brutality of TV and

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

has increased significantly, which is affecting our state very badly.

For instance

Linking Words

, nowadays TV and

computer

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are available in everyone's house and there are a lot of TV channels, which offers various types of entertaining shows, movies and other activities. Some of the shows and films are

extremely

Rephrase

apply

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affecting our society negatively since they present pornographic scenes and advertisements. There are a lot of

such

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kinds of programmes which can not be watched with the family so some adults are watching with their friends and adopting bad habits.

In addition

Linking Words

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

are very famous ,especially among kids and adults. At present, they are always into computers and

games

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. To illustrate, the

games

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are just a

programme

Replace the word

program

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, where the user can create their own user id and can play. Some study shows that millions of kids and adults are playing online

games

Use synonyms

every day. There are thousands of sexual sites or advertisements being played in between the

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

While

Linking Words

watching

such

Linking Words

kind of erotic scenes their mind can be diverted to negativity since their brain and thoughts are very sensitive. If

such

Linking Words

types of activity distract their mind and route them to negativity

then

Linking Words

it leads to a very dangerous path, which can never be changed.

To conclude

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, the way use of television and

computer

Use synonyms

are increasing in the same way it is violating and damaging our state significantly.

Therefore

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, lawmakers and public representatives should consider

this

Linking Words

issue

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a top priority basis and put a plan instantly to protect our society from being violated.

Shiba KcFri Jun 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic and outlines the points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.

task achievement

Support your points with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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