Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, a vast majority of people consider that the roughness on television and in
computer
games
has a negative impact on society rather than a positive effect on their habits. I firmly
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
with the former view, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, it has been considered by some groups of people that the brutality of TV and
computer
games
has increased significantly, which is affecting our state very badly.
For instance
, nowadays TV and
computer
are available in everyone's house and there are a lot of TV channels, which offers various types of entertaining shows, movies and other activities. Some of the shows and films are
extremely
Rephrase
apply
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affecting our society negatively since they present pornographic scenes and advertisements. There are a lot of
such
kinds of programmes which can not be watched with the family so some adults are watching with their friends and adopting bad habits.
In addition
,
computer
games
are very famous ,especially among kids and adults. At present, they are always into computers and
games
. To illustrate, the
games
are just a
programme
Replace the word
program
show examples
, where the user can create their own user id and can play. Some study shows that millions of kids and adults are playing online
games
every day. There are thousands of sexual sites or advertisements being played in between the
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
While
watching
such
kind of erotic scenes their mind can be diverted to negativity since their brain and thoughts are very sensitive. If
such
types of activity distract their mind and route them to negativity
then
it leads to a very dangerous path, which can never be changed.
To conclude
, the way use of television and
computer
are increasing in the same way it is violating and damaging our state significantly.
Therefore
, lawmakers and public representatives should consider
this
issue
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a top priority basis and put a plan instantly to protect our society from being violated.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic and outlines the points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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