IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Tourism today creates a variety of problems, such as pollution due to flights, traffic congestion, and water pollution. Do you think that governments should impose extra taxes on flights or accommodations to restrict today’s tourism industry?

#tourism #variety #pollution #flights #traffic #congestion #water #governments #taxes #accommodations #today’s #industry
it is common knowledge that
tourism
 today creates numerous problems,
such
 as
pollution
 because of flights, traffic congestion, and water
pollution
. From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 there is no need to impose extra
taxes
 on flights or accommodation. on the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there is no denying fact that extra
taxes
 on flights or accommodation will decrease
tourism
.
definitely
Add a comma
,definitely
show examples
 there are many individuals who are not wealthy and they save money for going and exploring new
countries
,
however
, there is no guarantee that it can be helpful,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 one of my friends is not rich and at that time he had to go to another country but unfortunately the price for tickets were higher than it used to be and what is more accommodation was not cheap either, but he had no choice,
therefore
,
therefore
 he paid for all of it,
consequently
 if there is a desire or there is a necessity now matter how much will a person has to pay he will do it eventually
on the other hand
, if governments impose extra
taxes
 many humans will lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interest, or if there is no necessity they will not spend a huge amount of money only on travelling,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it will not solve problems with
pollution
.
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
pollution
 is not done by only
tourism
, many residents pollute our society they throw away their garbage in water or in the streets.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 many
countries's
Remove the s
countries'
show examples
 economies are rich
due to
tourism
, and if one-day people stop going to other
countries
 those
countries
 sooner or later will have many issues. in conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 governments should not impose extra
taxes
 because it will cause more problems than now there are
Submitted by lilit_margaryan2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: