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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 graph shows the amount of money that graduates make after they finish
the
Change the word
their
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studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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, with different types of degrees. We can
observes
Change the verb form
observe
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 in the chart that the fastest amount of earnings has the other qualifications between
ages
Use synonyms
 36 and 40, after that it shows a significant downward trend by
ages
Use synonyms
 56 and 60. The second with the higher increases in income are those with higher
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 because it’s increased steadily during the whole period, it slightly decreases between
ages
Use synonyms
 45 and 51 but after
that
Linking Words
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 shows an increased income. The trend with the lowest increase is the workers with the first degree, showing a
rose
Replace the word
rise
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 between
ages
Use synonyms
 21 and 36, after that remaining steady til 60 years old. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 can say that having a high studies degree can help you
getting
Change the form of the verb
get
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 a higher salary. Because you are more qualified in the industry that you are working, and you have more opportunities to get a higher status in the place where you work.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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