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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts illustrate changes in
Use synonyms
proportion
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the proportion
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 of income spent by a university on different departments in 2005 and 2015. The most striking alteration has been to
amounts
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the amounts
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 spent on two areas, Administration and management and Accommodation. The percentage of
first
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the first
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 field increased considerably from 6% to 16%. The amount of funds consumed on Accommodation accounted for a
considerable
Rephrase
considerably
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 lower
proportion
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 of 8% in 2015 compared with 16% in 2005. Another important change appears
"Libraries"
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in "Libraries"
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Punctuation problem
, it's
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it's
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its
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 percentage has been doubled from 5% to 10%. Maintaining campuses remains at the same
proportion
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 of 10%.
Area
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The area
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 "teaching research" has been slightly decreased by 5%. Funding of financial support for students
also
Linking Words
 experienced a slight increase of only 3 percentage points over the ten-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of university expenditure was redistributed among several departments, with the most notable changes occurring in Administration and Management and Accommodation.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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